I am a mom. God made me to be a mom. At least that is how I feel about 99% of the time. I love my girls. I love lying on the floor in the playroom building towers to be knocked down. I love watching Kaelin’s staged ‘concerts’. I love folding tiny clothes, bath time, reading stories and snuggles. (I will admit I don’t like wiping noses, changing diapers or cleaning up food off the floor!)
This being said I decided to go back to work – part time. I am going to be working on Mondays and Saturdays (with an occasional extra shift here and there) at Something New (a florist/event shop in Canfield). Sometimes I need adult conversation, and to feel like I am contributing to our family.
Monday was my first day at work. The girls are going to be staying with their Auntie Amy while I am at work on Mondays and their daddy on Saturdays. I knew this first day would be hard, but not how hard it would be. Sunday I started feeling sick to my stomach and nervous – not about work – but about leaving my girls. I knew Kaelin would be fine and that at the worst she wouldn’t want to take a nap and would be tired at the end of the day.
Hailey is a totally different story. She is the most sensitive little one I know. She started clinging to me the minute we got to Amy’s and I could still hear her screaming as I backed the car down the driveway. The day was rough for her (and in turn rough on Amy). I know they can adjust after a few weeks. Though, I feel guilty for forcing them into this situation. I am grateful for Amy being willing to watch them (3 kids ages 3 & under are a handful!), but I feel bad that Mondays are going to be crazy for her!
Yesterday evening we got home (after dinner and playtime at the park) with two very tired and stressed girls. I spent part of the night just crying; partially due to guilt and partially due to being overwhelmed and anxious.
Today they are both very clingy and whiny. Question is – is a bit of time out of the house for me and some ‘grocery’ money worth putting them (& me) through this? I believe that I can do it for a few months and see how things go, however I fear that every Monday will be like yesterday. In sticking with it – I am hoping that in a month or two I will drop the kids off on Monday and both will smile and wave goodbye to me. (Of course then I will probably cry because they don’t need me anymoreJ)
Please pray for all of us during this transition.
2 comments:
This introduction to transitions and time away from Mommy will make the first day of school that much easier. I agree with you that it breaks your heart, but just know that you are making them stronger and more resilient to change. You will also begin to cherish the together moments more as well. Don't give up.
Sorry that you're going through this! My girls started headstart, which is one day a week, last week. I was SO glad that I was already at work when Patrick dropped them off because I couldn't have handled it!!
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